I was at lunch with a friend recently and she repeated an interesting quote she’d read on Facebook that I thought was perfect! (Sorry – I can’t find the reference – if someone knows the original source, please let me know so I can give appropriate credit). Women are disappointed in men because they don’t live up to the male leads in romance novels. And men are disappointed in women because we don’t live up to porn.
It’s a very simplistic statement, but it has an interesting premise. Are the men in our lives falling short of our expectations? Or should we be expecting more? And vice versa?
Let’s just ignore the completely buff aspect of all the men in romance novels. At least in my novels, the men are all over six feet tall – and that’s not very fair to the men in our lives since the average male in the United States is five feet, ten inches tall. It’s probably unrealistic that the men in our lives should work out two to three hours a day, which is what it would probably take to look like the fabulous specimens on our covers.
But is it unrealistic for us to expect men to love us deeply? To care about our goals and what happens in our days? Shouldn’t we want a man who desires us intensely? Okay – maybe not first thing in the morning. I’m okay if we acknowledge morning breath because, well, let’s face it , there’s really no way around that.
I think we should expect men to love us like a romance novel. Perhaps I’m just spoiled, but I have a husband who puts down his stuff after coming home from work and the first thing he does, usually even before he takes off his coat, is to come over and kiss me hello. It makes me feel loved and cherished to know that he wants to connect with me, even briefly, before the evening starts. And that’s even on the days when I’ve been writing like a mad woman so I don’t have makeup on, my hair has been washed but hasn’t seen a brush and I’m wearing fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm and a huge Old Navy fleece sweatshirt.
So yes, I do think we should expect the romance novel husband. And why should we settle for anything less? It might not be a man who can fight off lions, tigers, or bears to protect us, but there are so many sweet things that a spouse can do to show us their love. Things that don’t cost anything. A friend of mine makes her husband a sandwich every day for lunch, even going to the trouble of slicing his turkey instead of buying the pre-sliced, processed meat. And he ensures that she has freshly brewed coffee, even bringing it to her in bed at times, exactly how she wants it. Those aren’t big things but they are meaningful. They show that the other person cares. “I love you” is nice and wonderful, but the sweet, kind, gentle actions are pretty amazing as well.
What do you do for your husband to show him that you care? What does he do for you? Feel free to send me an email or post a comment on Facebook or Twitter!
Don’t forget, the last three books in The Boarding School Series are all available for preorder! See their pages on my website for links to your favorite vendor.
